The New Sense

Thursday, June 20, 2002

This was a bit like when I was at the clinic waiting for my AIDS test. Only different. Then, I was convinced I was going to die. Now it's the opposite — I'm convinced I'm going to reproduce! My life was pretty boring till B— showed up.
I tried to put it out of my mind, but I can't. I'm tired — must be pregnant. I'm hot — must be pregnant. I'm hungry — must be pregnant. And who am I trying to kid anyway? I know I'm pregnant — this is just a confirmation of the…ha!…life sentence.
Mom is going to kill me. Very slowly, with words, but she is going to kill me. First, though, she'll try to kill the baby. I mean the fetus. And that won't be with words, or at least it will be directly, but she'll be trying to kill it for real. She's of that 70's feminist 'it's my body' mentality. And she's right about women's bodies, but I don't know if I could do that. Right now I'm so fucked up — so obsessed with this — that I can't think of anything else. B— definitely knows something is up, but he's very discreet. I guess he can appreciate when someone doesn't want to be asked too many questions.

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posted by Sara